The Stages of a Relationship in the 21st Century.


I was sitting and reflecting on the different stages of relationships last night. Of course this isn't the outcome of all relationships and neither am I claiming to be an expert in this field. But this particular post is on the basis of personal experience and experiences from a majority of my friends relationships.


Stage 1: The attraction.

This phase is your post hook up phase. The usual seeing the person and deep sighs, racing pulses, butterflies in the tummy, sudden sweating, rambling, lost in thoughts/daydreams. After this the person becomes restless and impatient to try and talk/get to know the other person. This goes without saying all sorts of creative ways are used to do this. The use of mutual friends, accidental meetings, etc.

Stage 2: The wooing.

Once the contact information is exchanged (mostly phone numbers in some weird cases IM IDs) days and nights become one. The two people getting to know each other are so occupied they end up spending hours together on the phone while their social life goes for a toss. Friends and hobbies take a backseat.

Stage 3: The falling in love.

Finally they fall in love. All is well in lala land when one falls in love. Everything seems amazing about the other person, all romantic songs seem like they're expressing your feelings towards the other person. Also, daring acts which a few months seemed impossible and even sappy are done when a person falls in love. Promises are made, secrets are shared and you feel this person is your soulmate. Your better half!

Stage 4: The taking the partner for granted.

Eventually the fizzle burns out and a routine sets in. The excitement about meeting the person vanishes and other things take priority over the partner. Suddenly things like work, projects, assignments and friends become important again.

Stage 5: The Denial.

This generally happens when one partner refuses to admit or face the problems. Why? Mainly because they try to hold on to what was. Apart from the changes they're afraid to face the truth about what the outcome will be when the problem is tackled. It could result in an unpleasant turn in their relationship, like a dent. Sometimes the problems are too many so it feels better to just pretend they don't exist.

Stage 6: The punching bag.

This generally happens as a result of built up frustration and resentment. The other partner becomes the source for all the venting. Sometimes to spite or irritate the other person mean things are said and done. This may be as a result of trying to make the other person feel the same pain they're feeling. It could also be because you try to see if there are any feelings. By this stage the other partner has become so emotionless and indifferent any sort of emotion makes Partner no. 2 feel there's still hope. They grasp at straws to make the relationship work.

Stage 7: The repulsion.

All the sweet things said and done are forgotten. Everything that first attracted you to this person is now the very reason you don't want to be with them anymore. Just being in the same room is an effort in itself. You can't stand them anymore and are disgusted by everything they say or do. Partner no. 1 by now is so upset with their partner they do all they can to put them down and don't hide their feelings of repulsion even in another's company. Quarrels and fights move from behind closed doors to washing dirty laundry in public.

Stage 8: The breaking up.

By now the next step is but the inevitable. Sometimes another stage takes place before this step. It could be that of cheating on your partner or it could be the break up stage. You crave for your freedom and to get away from that partner but feel remorse thinking about how it all came down to this.

Stage 9: The reflecting.

This stage usually makes one wonder if what happened can be rekindled again. A lot of reflecting on the past is done and although the break is official, time apart does allow another to think more clearly without feelings being involved. When one partner is doing this the other is plotting ways to try and get back together.

Stage 10: The letting go.

Finally both part ways. Usually the one who wanted things to work out has no choice so agrees with the others decision thinking they can try to work things out again if there's a temporary separation. In extreme cases cowards choose to approach the 'friends' angle thinking if their partner can see them as a friend again then they still have a chance to keep their ex partner close and make their move again when the opportunity arises.

Stage 11: The last shot.

Generally this is the last phase. Despite the separation and the lack of communication trying one last time is attempted by one partner while the other has moved on. Sometimes, it's more difficult for one to let go off the relationship than the other. This may result it frequent phone calls and follow ups. Sometimes just hearing that firm 'it's over' is enough to end it. Very few people are able to become 'friends' after the breakup. It's ofcourse nothing close to a friendship but they are able to update each other about what's happening once in a while and sometimes catch up. Other times they don't see each other again purposely to avoid the uncomfortable feelings comes with a break up.

Either ways, it's another sad end to a relationship. So, much for a happily ever after!



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