Today was just one of those days that I wanted to forget. But today also happened to be one of those days that had people give me truly genuine compliments. Those who really know me know that I'm not one to take praise gracefully, I have always allowed the deeply buried, ugly-duckling-low-self esteem version of myself try to question the compliments and never let them get to my head.
Compliment #1: I was told that I'm someone who has a kind heart.
I don't know how true that is. I see my selfishness every day. I manage to show greed (especially towards food!) and somehow after being alive for more than 3 decades on this planet can't seem to control my sharp tongue. I end up hurting, confusing or offending people around me. Back to the kind heart. Yes, I do try to show consideration, forgiveness and empathy. But even these are stemmed from me. ME! Not because I think about the other person. It's because I'm thinking about how I feel. I wish I could see this so called kindness. I wish I could be kinder to myself at least. See what I mean about not talking a compliment easily?
Compliment #2: I was also told that I try to do the right thing and most of the times I try to be noble.
That's such an odd word to use in this day and age right? Noble?! But I suppose me wanting to help, contribute and make a difference (I really hope I can) comes close to being noble. I'd rather not talk about what prompted this compliment. It has nothing to do with modesty and more to do with humanity I guess. I still do try to hope that I can change myself for the better. Yes, I have accepted and learned to live with the flaws I currently possess. But I'm hoping that at least when I'm going to die I will look back on my life and not focus on the negatives but see my attempt at doing good deeds.
So despite facing an entire of day of shit I'm still going to take this day as a win. I managed to see some good in me after an entire year of self loathing and more importantly, after almost two years I really followed what my heart wanted. I didn't let my brain step in and ruin things for me. It felt good to revisit the person I used to be. Glimpses of her fiery spirit still come out when push comes to shove or when taking a stand is really needed...I clearly have a lot of rebuilding to do. One day at a time.
Compliment #1: I was told that I'm someone who has a kind heart.
I don't know how true that is. I see my selfishness every day. I manage to show greed (especially towards food!) and somehow after being alive for more than 3 decades on this planet can't seem to control my sharp tongue. I end up hurting, confusing or offending people around me. Back to the kind heart. Yes, I do try to show consideration, forgiveness and empathy. But even these are stemmed from me. ME! Not because I think about the other person. It's because I'm thinking about how I feel. I wish I could see this so called kindness. I wish I could be kinder to myself at least. See what I mean about not talking a compliment easily?
Compliment #2: I was also told that I try to do the right thing and most of the times I try to be noble.
That's such an odd word to use in this day and age right? Noble?! But I suppose me wanting to help, contribute and make a difference (I really hope I can) comes close to being noble. I'd rather not talk about what prompted this compliment. It has nothing to do with modesty and more to do with humanity I guess. I still do try to hope that I can change myself for the better. Yes, I have accepted and learned to live with the flaws I currently possess. But I'm hoping that at least when I'm going to die I will look back on my life and not focus on the negatives but see my attempt at doing good deeds.
So despite facing an entire of day of shit I'm still going to take this day as a win. I managed to see some good in me after an entire year of self loathing and more importantly, after almost two years I really followed what my heart wanted. I didn't let my brain step in and ruin things for me. It felt good to revisit the person I used to be. Glimpses of her fiery spirit still come out when push comes to shove or when taking a stand is really needed...I clearly have a lot of rebuilding to do. One day at a time.
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