Shaun T - Crazy 8 workout
I mentioned this in one of my earlier posts, I'm on a path to make myself healthier. So, today I finally did a workout! That's right, I did a dance fitness cardio workout - Shaun T's 'Crazy 8s' video from the Cize series. This was an odd choice for me because I'm a terrible dancer, I can barely keep up with the moves and I've got the joints and aches of a 90 year old. I still gave it a go. I'm glad no one was around to see me using my two left feet. I think I did better than I thought I would. Three minutes into the video and I was already feeling like I was going to die. My lungs were trying to tell me to give up and curl back into bed. Somehow I managed to crawl my way to the end of the video and finished it without any breaks. The workout itself is great though. The last time I did a workout I barely broke into a sweat. My on and off attempts at Hatha yoga felt awesome but still no sweat. I know it's not necessary that you should but maybe my mind needs to see my body cry in order to know fat has been burned and dormant muscles have been used. AND CRY MY BODY DID! I think even my nails were sweating! I know it's not possible but you get the point. I can still feel my barely used muscles crying even hours after the workout. So, me thinks me'll stick with this...Me Likey (Modern Family influence). As is always the case with me, as soon as I manage to get into a rhythm and find a groove I get my periods. I'm probably going to get mine by tomorrow or at least in the next two days. I get terrible cramps so working out is NOT an option. Fingers crossed I'll be back to clumsily stomping around in my room trying to dance in a few days.
2016: A month in
I have said this earlier and I'm saying it again. This year finally feels different. In a way most of the things are the same but in a way a lot of things have changed. I'm hoping these changes are for good. I have accepted where I am in my life now and am finally looking forward to moving ahead. Those who know me know that I've been stuck in the same place for some 4-5 years. Hopefully, that's going to change from here on.
I let go of all the things that held me back. This includes dead end relationships. I still have strong feelings that I tend to numb with endless TV shows and numerous Audiobooks. But I've made my peace. I wish things had worked out differently but, well they had to end because maybe there's another path I'm meant to follow.
It's been almost 3 weeks now and I've kept my commitment to eating clean. I do have a few slips here and there but overall I'm happy with making it a point to eat better.
I'm still suffering from severe insomnia. I don't get to workout as much as I want to because of this. My wrist has gotten better because of the new bike but the neck and back are still going through hell through hours of sitting around at work. I try to move around when I can but it's barely anything in the greater scheme of things.
I'm doing better at work. I know what I'm doing and there are people supporting me. The downside is that I'm going to lose my buddies at work because they're all moving away. I guess that's life right? Even if I don't get to be a part of this office I would still want to be associated with the company. I love the way this place is. I love it because of the people, the Directors. So rare to find such people especially at that level.
My relationship with my mom is still rocky but better than before. My relationship with my siblings has improved too. The only relationship I'm still really struggling with is with Allah. I'm doing my best to be a better Muslim but I think I may have strayed. No, I know I've strayed. I'm hoping to get there again. where I was during Ramzan. I think I was the best I could have been and it showed me that I CAN be the person I want to be. InshaAllah I'll get there.
Nip/Tuck
I HAVE SURVIVED NIP TUCK! I threw tantrums, cribbed, cried and heck even begged for my misery to end. I tried to walk away and leave it incomplete but I just can't...I physically can't. This 'need to finish what I start' has really led to a lot of self inflected torture. Now to the show...
This is a HORRIBLE show. I am being kind when I say horrible. It is the worst show I have ever seen. That's saying something! I can understand the first few episodes and even seasons showing the incestuous superficiality, shallowness, lack of commitment/values and even lacking basic human decency. But as the episodes went on my disgust and even hatred for these characters increased. I have rooted for all the characters to die. DIE! Such horrible, selfish people do not deserve to live.
Some little gems from the show: Half brother and sister have slept together, mother in laws have slept with the son in laws (one woman has slept with all the men on the show.) Characters are just always sleeping around and there's no restraint at all. Who cares if this person's dying, just had a life threatening surgery or even got stabbed. Let's screw! In fact, even lesbian characters sleep around with men and then say they're lesbians. I'm getting a headache just talking about the really messed up relationships.
As it is it's hard enough to digest how fickle minded, perfection obsessed and appearance oriented people are (all the cases in the episodes) and then we have this filth to take in as well in the name of 'relationships'. I repeat, people are killed, commit suicide, and stabbed but these people lacking humanity continue to live without regret or guilt! Even though they are the cause.
The thing that repulsed me the most was how the women were treated in this show. I'm sure there are such cases in real life but EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THIS SHOW was treated like shit. It's like the misogynistic writers decided that all women will be degraded and broken in every possible way. The stronger and successful a character became the worse her fall. Truly sickening.
Another nasty thing is how these surgeons believe without a doubt that they help people, they heal people, they have a moral code with a purpose in their lives. What a joke! They are the most self centred, power hungry, egotistical, and moral-less bastards ever! There's a need to own and control everything in everyone and an emptiness in all of these damaged beyond saving characters that nothing seems to fill. This vortex of destruction and doom they bring with them is so toxic. The pain they inflict is on everyone around them and on themselves too. I'm just surprised how karma didn't give them what they deserve. All the times they've cheated, hurt, killed and destroyed lives-how has the universe not given them what they had coming?? How did the show run for so many years? How is it after all the destruction they get to walk away?! I say it again, this is truly an AWFUL SHOW!
The Strip
Pic courtesy Amazon
I'll admit it. I judged this book by the cover and got suckered into reading it. Even though there wasn't much to captivate me here, curiosity got the better of me. What's 'The Strip'? A Strip Joint? A Street? A Club? The cover tells me nothing!! Which only meant I had to read this book.
The Strip by J.J. Salem is one of those books that I can sum up in two sentences...Yeah...That's how entertaining it is.
What started off as a remotely interesting plot turned into an absolute dud just a few pages into the book. This whole male prostitution - oops, 'Stud' (that's what the book calls it) angle - got real boring real soon. Cam Lawford plays a male gigolo who is supposed to be 'the perfect man'. He is shown as someone who makes no mistakes, always says and does the right things and not ONCE comes across as a real character...and then he dies! (Not a spoiler, it's in the first few pages!) Because such a man is like a unicorn! He doesn't exist! He can also not be called a prostitute because of said qualities. Because calling him a prostitute tarnishes this perfect image we're supposed to have of him. It makes his 'services' dirty.
I felt like a group of teenage girls talked about what a perfect man should be like and that's how the character Cam Lawford was created. Not even the sex scenes seemed believable. Cam ALWAYS knew how to please his women and at one part talks about how in one night him and his partner came five times. Then he goes off to keep his 'next appointment'. Right! Believable! He's young, fit, has tons of stamina and making a living out of his well endowed penis. But really? Really! For a book that is 90% about him providing satisfaction to women, it sure manages to skip description. I'm not saying I'm looking for smut but if this is what you're teasing the readers with it's probably a good idea to go through with this so called promise.
Back to the story. I felt like I was reading a book that was meant for Junior High Kids because everything was very PG 15/18. There's nothing that makes you feel connected to the characters. It's strange though because it's supposed to be women getting pleased here but it's clearly shown from the perspective of a man, Is the following really what women want? Cam compliments them, builds their self confidence, massages their egos and yeah eventually sleeps with them. The last bit is just something to seal the deal to make him THE PERFECT MAN! *Rolling my eyes*
Apart from our Stud in this book, we have the usual cliché characters. Evil husbands, cheating wives, rebellious kid, ugly relationships to justify cheating...yawn! No one cares. Even when the main characters are facing life threatening situations you can't bring yourself to give a damn.
This next bit really got my goat. The murder in the book was quite pointless. It was pretty clear that it had to be one of the husbands who did it. You can thank me later for this spoiler. The women were too busy getting laid to focus on anything else. The murder is talked about only in the beginning and then you come back to it towards the end of the book. This annoyed me because it promised a murder mystery which turned into smut which then turned into something like chick lit from a man's perspective. The ending was rushed and extremely convenient for everyone except the 'Nice Guy Stud'.
Apart from our Stud in this book, we have the usual cliché characters. Evil husbands, cheating wives, rebellious kid, ugly relationships to justify cheating...yawn! No one cares. Even when the main characters are facing life threatening situations you can't bring yourself to give a damn.
This next bit really got my goat. The murder in the book was quite pointless. It was pretty clear that it had to be one of the husbands who did it. You can thank me later for this spoiler. The women were too busy getting laid to focus on anything else. The murder is talked about only in the beginning and then you come back to it towards the end of the book. This annoyed me because it promised a murder mystery which turned into smut which then turned into something like chick lit from a man's perspective. The ending was rushed and extremely convenient for everyone except the 'Nice Guy Stud'.
Compliments
Today was just one of those days that I wanted to forget. But today also happened to be one of those days that had people give me truly genuine compliments. Those who really know me know that I'm not one to take praise gracefully, I have always allowed the deeply buried, ugly-duckling-low-self esteem version of myself try to question the compliments and never let them get to my head.
Compliment #1: I was told that I'm someone who has a kind heart.
I don't know how true that is. I see my selfishness every day. I manage to show greed (especially towards food!) and somehow after being alive for more than 3 decades on this planet can't seem to control my sharp tongue. I end up hurting, confusing or offending people around me. Back to the kind heart. Yes, I do try to show consideration, forgiveness and empathy. But even these are stemmed from me. ME! Not because I think about the other person. It's because I'm thinking about how I feel. I wish I could see this so called kindness. I wish I could be kinder to myself at least. See what I mean about not talking a compliment easily?
Compliment #2: I was also told that I try to do the right thing and most of the times I try to be noble.
That's such an odd word to use in this day and age right? Noble?! But I suppose me wanting to help, contribute and make a difference (I really hope I can) comes close to being noble. I'd rather not talk about what prompted this compliment. It has nothing to do with modesty and more to do with humanity I guess. I still do try to hope that I can change myself for the better. Yes, I have accepted and learned to live with the flaws I currently possess. But I'm hoping that at least when I'm going to die I will look back on my life and not focus on the negatives but see my attempt at doing good deeds.
So despite facing an entire of day of shit I'm still going to take this day as a win. I managed to see some good in me after an entire year of self loathing and more importantly, after almost two years I really followed what my heart wanted. I didn't let my brain step in and ruin things for me. It felt good to revisit the person I used to be. Glimpses of her fiery spirit still come out when push comes to shove or when taking a stand is really needed...I clearly have a lot of rebuilding to do. One day at a time.
Compliment #1: I was told that I'm someone who has a kind heart.
I don't know how true that is. I see my selfishness every day. I manage to show greed (especially towards food!) and somehow after being alive for more than 3 decades on this planet can't seem to control my sharp tongue. I end up hurting, confusing or offending people around me. Back to the kind heart. Yes, I do try to show consideration, forgiveness and empathy. But even these are stemmed from me. ME! Not because I think about the other person. It's because I'm thinking about how I feel. I wish I could see this so called kindness. I wish I could be kinder to myself at least. See what I mean about not talking a compliment easily?
Compliment #2: I was also told that I try to do the right thing and most of the times I try to be noble.
That's such an odd word to use in this day and age right? Noble?! But I suppose me wanting to help, contribute and make a difference (I really hope I can) comes close to being noble. I'd rather not talk about what prompted this compliment. It has nothing to do with modesty and more to do with humanity I guess. I still do try to hope that I can change myself for the better. Yes, I have accepted and learned to live with the flaws I currently possess. But I'm hoping that at least when I'm going to die I will look back on my life and not focus on the negatives but see my attempt at doing good deeds.
So despite facing an entire of day of shit I'm still going to take this day as a win. I managed to see some good in me after an entire year of self loathing and more importantly, after almost two years I really followed what my heart wanted. I didn't let my brain step in and ruin things for me. It felt good to revisit the person I used to be. Glimpses of her fiery spirit still come out when push comes to shove or when taking a stand is really needed...I clearly have a lot of rebuilding to do. One day at a time.
2016, baby!
I've had a pretty awesome entry into 2016. Almost everything I wanted I have been fortunate enough to be able to get. I have also struck a balance on my relationships everywhere. Grown up SO much in one year. I still choose to hold on to some bits of my immaturity but I've become more accepting, open and willing to change and the unexpected. I held on to things for too long and resisted change. I've learned to let go and move ahead.
I have a feeling this year would be SO much better than last year. It started out right. There was a time when I wanted more in my life, I wanted better. But now I realize it really doesn't matter. Why should it? I'll eventually forget it. I'm not saying I'll settle for mediocrity. But what I mean is how I approached things. It won't make my life better or any worse if I don't follow a certain trend/custom. It doesn't matter if things don't go the way you wanted them to go. Eventually it really will work out. Maybe not the way you expected it to but at least it couldn't have gotten any worse. Of course, this is subjective to circumstances but in my head, in my life and in my situation, I feel this is the best I could have gotten. I needed to learn a few things the hard way. I had to lose certain traits and understand certain things. I know I wouldn't have learned them any other way. So be it. I accept it all now with grace.
After going through hell and back, I am humbled and blessed to be able to even sit here and write this. This time last year I was literally holding on to my sanity with a thread. So much has happened and I've come such a long tiring way. Thank you Allah for the good and the bad. Here's to betterment. Here's to possibilities. Here's to a new year.
I have a feeling this year would be SO much better than last year. It started out right. There was a time when I wanted more in my life, I wanted better. But now I realize it really doesn't matter. Why should it? I'll eventually forget it. I'm not saying I'll settle for mediocrity. But what I mean is how I approached things. It won't make my life better or any worse if I don't follow a certain trend/custom. It doesn't matter if things don't go the way you wanted them to go. Eventually it really will work out. Maybe not the way you expected it to but at least it couldn't have gotten any worse. Of course, this is subjective to circumstances but in my head, in my life and in my situation, I feel this is the best I could have gotten. I needed to learn a few things the hard way. I had to lose certain traits and understand certain things. I know I wouldn't have learned them any other way. So be it. I accept it all now with grace.
After going through hell and back, I am humbled and blessed to be able to even sit here and write this. This time last year I was literally holding on to my sanity with a thread. So much has happened and I've come such a long tiring way. Thank you Allah for the good and the bad. Here's to betterment. Here's to possibilities. Here's to a new year.
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