The Calling

It's sad when you realize there's nothing special about you...Nothing that people can remember you by....

I see such talented people around me...and wonder...what gift do I possess?...Is it too late for me?? Does it mean that I'm one of those people who'll be forgotten?...Who'll leave the world without making a difference?...Am I one of those people whose existance makes no difference to society??...The people who are fit to do a 9-5 job because they can't do anything else in life??....The more I think about it...The worse it makes me feel...

My friends are pretty talented...Some are very good animators, artists, photogrophers, writers, critics, desiginers, successful business people and some are good poets! Makes me wonder what am I good at...What makes this quest tougher is that I am blessed with a family who excels in talent...Mostly in art! I'm not ungrateful for it...but growing up amongst three brilliant siblings, it was tough to hold my own... I was an attention seeker and I did everything possible to ensure I got noticed...even if it meant for all the wrong reasons!...

Now that I'm older, (not much wiser!) I don't know what I'll do with my life...Everything I thought I knew, the things I thought I wanted...It's all changed...I'm screwed up! I wish to do many things...to try and make a difference in at least ONE person's life...a person who isn't my friend...my relative...in anyway related to me...So that I can be rememebered for touching their life...I guess that makes my intention towards doing good corrupted as I have something personal to gain from it?...I dunno!

I suppose what people say is true...That I have the rest of my life ahead of me to figure out what I'm good at...But the saddest thing is I already know something...I don't think I'll ever have this mystery of my life figured out...I guess it's been this way since I was a child...then a teenager...and now a freaking adult!...When will I find my calling??!