RIP

Today I mourn the death of my relationship that was. I cry for the boy I met and regret the man he's become. I am still stuck in the past. Re-living every feeling, smile, kiss and fight. The future looks bleak. I watch as his life progresses while mine stands still. What a hefty price I've had to pay for thinking. There is no moment when I don't feel pain. My soul yearns peace and nothing can calm it. I watch my dreams get crushed and my love become meaningless. You've moved on. I suppose so should I. I wish my path was laid out like how yours fell into place. Instead I struggle...I continue to struggle. With the past, the present and the future. When will I finally sleep? When will my mind, body and soul accept? You are not mine to love anymore. You will never be mine to love anymore. Because the man I fell in love with was kind, patient, and understanding. He had a forgiving heart and a lifetime's worth of unconditional love to give. Instead, the man I see now causes pain, abuses secrets and misunderstands... he also forgets! How easily he forgets. So, I mourn the death of my relationship that carried me through good times and especially bad. What I really mourn today is the death of me.

Worth it

There's no pain like that which comes from a broken heart. Especially when the entire world told you not to do something, not to trust someone; but that pesky heart still did it!

The result - You end up with a head full of memories that need to be forgotten, a heart that can not heal anymore and time that continues to stand still.

Layer by layer, piece by piece you show yourself to someone. Trust them with your future, your life. Who knew 3 years can be wiped clean in 3 months?

You have experienced pain before. Heck, you were born to survive it. But then someone comes along, pierces through that armor you put your heart behind and walks away after giving you hope.

You feel like a chump! Was it all worth it? To love and lose? To let him slip away? To intentionally let him go so he would come back? To still pray for his happiness despite him being such a dick towards you? When he threw away years of love, patience and support to fulfill his 'dream'? And worse, to marry someone else to prove a point??

When did I become so stupid?? How could I not see? I still love him...so much...that brings around a whole wave of other feelings.

To him I say: be happy with your wife in your new life. I hope she's worth it...I hope it's all worth it!

Give and Take

Give me back my youth.
All those years I waited.
How you deny the truth!
My heart is now deflated.

Take back all the promises.
Take with you the pain.
Undo all the damages.
Take away my shame!

Give me my life back
And the heart you took.
Need to get back on track.
Play it by the book.

Take back your hate.
Which has replaced the love.
Maybe it WAS fate.
A sign from above.

Give me back peace.
The one you viciously stole.
Help my memories find release.
Return me my soul.